Trying for a baby

Both of our boys were very much planned.
Mase took us a long time to fall pregnant with. Before we had him. We had two miscarriages before we fell pregnant with Mason.

When you are actively trying for a baby it consumes you. It's all you can think about. Every baby you see makes your heart hurt. Every time someone you love announces a pregnancy you are so happy for them but so sad for yourself. You always question why is it so hard for me to fall pregnant. You hate your body for letting you down so much.

I would track my cycles. Pounce on my husband when I was ovulating and then spend the next 2 weeks symptom spotting. I was on babycentre pretty much daily with all the other lovely ladies in my situation and speak to them. I would start taking pregnancy tests from about 8 dpo (days past ovulation) weirdly the only time I have been scared to take a pregnancy test has been when I am actually pregnant. Like my mind already knew our lives were about to change.
It was exhausting mentally. Luke hadn't talking about babies. 1) it was all I wanted to talk about and 2) it would make me sad.

I don't have a obsessive personality as such. But when I really want something then it consumes me. It's all I can think about. Especially situations that I can't control and falling pregnant is very much out of your control.

We tried on and off for 5 years for Mason. Stopping for breaks when it all became to much.
With Eli we were lucky and it only took us 6 months.

Looking back I think it happened when the time was right. I hated that saying. People would say that to me when we were trying. They were trying to be reassuring but honestly it's a kick in the teeth. I think if I could go back in time and tell myself that I still wouldn't of believed me and it still would of consumed me.

We are very lucky to have both the boys and there were so many times I honestly thought it wouldn't happen for us. We could never of afforded IVF and I don't think adoption is a path Luke could of taken. I would of loved to of adopted but know it's not easy and not something everyone can do.

For anyone trying for a baby I know how hard it is. Know you are not alone even though it feels that way at times.